Hockey, Fight Club and Erections

So Montreal's going on to the Eastern Conference final now, and they're our last chance for Canada to win the Cup. In other words, Canada didn't win the cup this year. They've played a wonderful post-season, eliminating two of the most powerful regular season teams (not to mention shutting down Ovie AND the Kid), but I don't put their chances very high. Though my opinion on this matter is pretty worthless, I just wanted to start this off with something at least a little tasteful. Now that it's done with..

Knock knock? I went to see Chuck Palahniuk speak yesterday. You know, the guy who wrote Fight Club? Yea, he's written other stuff too. Including the book Choke, which was made into a subpar film starring subpar actor Sam Rockwell (who I've heard is good in Iron Man 2, who would have thought?). Chuck is an amazing man because you can tell he simply doesn't think of himself as being so. He's very genuine, and also genuinely funny. When he wasn't taking swigs from a bottle of JD under his podium, he was throwing giant inflatable Oscar awards into the audience, giving prizes (inflatable roast turkeys) to those who filled them up fastest. I managed to catch one of these giant statuettes, and it's now sitting in my room taking up space. These antics were interspersed with incredibly frank and sincere discussions on his mother's death of cancer, his father being shot to death, and his job dealing with death when he was a young man. An incredible inspiration.

Anyway, getting back to the knock knock part, he told some hilariously off-colour jokes. One involving a hot blonde walking into the bar, only to be roofied by the bartender and fucked repeatedly by the patrons. She repeats this, ordering the same drink, until one day she walks in and orders a beer. When asked why, she replies that the other drink makes her pussy hurt. It's the kind of joke that's mostly just vulgar, but it's all in the delivery, and Palahniuk is the man to deliver. Especially when discussing veterinarians sewing each other into dead horses (a story for another time, perhaps).

Finally, why are khakis more professional than jeans? I can think of one very important reason these are the least professional pants possible; when I pop wood in khakis, it shows a hell of a lot more than if I were wearing jeans. I'm at a desk for 4 hours straight sometimes, I'm a 19 year old guy, and I get bored. My mind's gonna wander.

Just let me wear jeans.

-Why not?